Mountainlair: Blogpoll Roundtable: Doug Makes Us Work

Doug of the wonderfully fabulous Hey Jenny Slater is making us work for our spot on the roundtable. I went looking for the scene where John Cusack says "Hey Jenny Slater", but I couldn't find it. So you get some Hi Fidelity instead.

1. In his "visiting lecturers" series posted on Every Day Should Be Saturday over the past few months, Orson Swindle asked each participant to explain which country, during which historical period, their team most resembles. Let's bring everything up to the present day and ponder: Which current sovereign nation is your team? Or to look at it another way, how does your team fit into the "world" of college football?

Yeah, that went well. Accordingly, there will be no comparisons to Germany here. It has to be a country that is so completely bat shit crazy that you don't really want to look them in the eye. A country that you desperately do not want to put all the pieces to the puzzle together, because if they do you get that feeling that life as you know it will never be the same again. You thinking what I'm thinking?

Ah Ya Ah Ya Ah Ya Ah Ya Ah Ya Ah Ya

Yes, you don't want any part of that kind of crazy! And big enough that because of your current situation you really don't want to meet them on the field of battle. But small or insignificant enough that you're just not believing that they could actually win the whole thing. Come on! I'm talking about your perception, not mine. We used to not matter so much in the big scheme of things. But now you know who we are and like it or not, you have to deal with us.

2. Every preseason roundup has to have some discussion of who's overrated, but let's go beyond that. Which team do you think is poised to crap the bed in the biggest way this season relative to high expectations, and which game do you think will begin their slide into ignominy?

Illinois- I think they are absolutely going to get bitch slapped to start the season out with Missouri. And I think there's a very good chance that they could be 2-3 by the time they play at Penn St. and Michigan. A lot of my fellows at FanHouse are not believing in Juice Williams to carry the load now that Mendenhall is gone. I'm not so sure that they have recovered from the ass kicking they got in the Rose Bowl last year. They have been recruiting very well with [NR], so maybe I might be wrong. But I doubt it.

3. On the flip side of that coin, which team do you think is going to burst out of nowhere to become 2008's biggest overachiever -- this year's version of Kansas '07, as it were -- and what's going to be the big upset that makes us all finally sit up and take notice of them?

BYU- Like Kansas last year, they play absolutely no one of consequence besides UCLA. So yeah, they play absolutely no one of consequence. They should be just as good if not better than last years Cougar team. Things are crazy out west, but there's no reason to think they won't be undefeated by the time bowl season comes around. And then they'll play the No. 2 SEC team in a BCS bowl and wish they would have thrown the Colorado St. game.

4. Here's an "I'll hang up and listen" question. I put Ohio State and Oklahoma #1 and #2, respectively, despite their recent high-profile BCS face-plants. Where did you rank those two teams, and did those BCS issues have anything to do with it?

Like I said before, it pains me but tOSU should be a very good team this year. They have a lot of quality returning, and I will not be surprised to see Terrell Pryor in a Tim Tebow type fashion. And that will make them that much scarier. Oklahoma? Meh. I felt like them being in the top 10 was a bad judgment on my part, and worse that no WVU fans called me on it. Their lines can't handle speed for shit. They have quality speed at the skill positions, but no skill anywhere else. I fart in their general direction.

5. Last season was a statistical outlier in countless ways, not the least of which was the fact that we ended up with a two-loss team as national champion. Do you think anyone plays a strong enough schedule to get MNC consideration as a two-loss team this year? Conversely, do you see anybody managing to sail into the national-championship game undefeated?

I think this question was asked by someone that cheers for Georgia. Check that, I know it! And I still feel that way. It might take a lot of crazy things to happen, but if Georgia can work their way into the SEC championship game with two losses, it's possible. Outside of that, no. As far as undefeated? The winner of tOSU vs. USC should be slapped if they don't go undefeated. WVU will almost certainly need to go undefeated. Missouri doesn't play Oklahoma, so they could also do it. If BYU is in the title game, I just want you all to know that I am going to torch this mother like no one has ever torched a mother before!

6. OK, time for some Olympic fever. Which athlete from the Beijing Olympics -- any sport, any country, with the exception of USA basketball since those guys are already pros -- would you most want to add to your team's roster this season? No worries about age, eligibility, or even gender; we'll worry about that crap later.